![]() It's a shame, too, because when Katy Perry stops trying to be your hilarious best friend, she's capable of great pop music. ![]() Like all great pop music videos, "Swish Swish" leaves you exhausted, annoyed, confused, and a good seven years older than you were six minutes ago. Katy gets to do some of her legendary CGI dunks, there are five million ads for Just Dance 2018, Molly Shannon makes out with one of the referees because she's a middle-aged lady and she's gotta have it, and then I guess the heroes win, except the main hero is the woke goofball sexpot pop star who refuses to let you forget about the big dumb feud she's in, and Donald Trump is the President of the United States, so who even knows what hero behavior is supposed to fucking look like anymore. So the Tigers take her advice and get it together-except for the big woman, who I swear to God eats a quesadilla. She does her guest verse, tells Katy to get it together, collects her check, and leaves. Luckily, Nicki Minaj shows up (to a completely different studio, thousands of miles away, because for all her faults, Nicki Minaj is a sensible human being). It's important that Molly Shannon survive this.) (If you haven't watched Other People yet, please do. Oh, the teams are coached by Terry Crews and Molly Shannon, which is a thing I wish wasn't happening, but it just is, and we all have to deal with it. So then she goes back out on that basketball court and she's still not very good, and the live-action Space Jam reboot you never asked for unfolds over the course of 25 seconds that feel like a full and particularly taxing eight-hour workday. What we should address is that the cheerleaders are drag queens, so if you're a gay person who was hoping your culture could be co-opted to provide depth and flavor to an argument between two heterosexual millionaires, today is your lucky day. He's enormous and probably also eats a decent amount of food each day, but he's a man, so there's no reason to concern ourselves with such matters. The Sheep are the heels in this situation, and one of them is played by The Mountain from Game of Thrones. It's that good.Īlso there's someone from Glee, and because it is 2017, the kid with the front teeth situation from Stranger Things is required by federal law to take part. Like all overweight people, she just can't get enough of that food! She'll even eat a whole basketball! Are you laughing yet? If not, just trust me: it's really, really funny and probably later today it'll hit you and you'll just fall right out. ![]() Do you get it? Here, I'll explain: before Kazaam, Shaquille O'Neal was a basketball player (just like the Tigers and the Sheep!), meals are groupings of food items that a person eats three to five times daily (you might have had one today!), and this woman is larger than the average person, so she is completely defined by her constant meal eating.
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